I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I love you. Go after that dick
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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