hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize