If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
When are your genitals available?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
