zippers are such a cool invention
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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