Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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