He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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