And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
