dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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