I wish I could teleport
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
