Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
