24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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