Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
