would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
