I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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