I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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