her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
