THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
