11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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