You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The Olympian is in my bed
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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