Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
