I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
