I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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