I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
