Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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