What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
