if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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