I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
