So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
