Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
