so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
