i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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