I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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