If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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