Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
