Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
