1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize