I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
