im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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