So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
the liver wants what the liver wants
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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