I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize