I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sponge bath it is.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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