**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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