You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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