So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
