maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
