but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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