I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
high people should be assigned attendants
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
