yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
