I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
