he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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