i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wish you could order shots online.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
