I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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