I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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