He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
