are you still at the devil's house?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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