Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
