I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
