Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
