I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
