omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He passed out mid-signature
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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