Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
