Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
