The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This is my gift to your gina
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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