discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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