16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
