she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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