i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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