i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if only i could text you this smell
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
