I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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