apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
