that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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