why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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