Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
